Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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