i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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