My liver just broke up with me...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
