I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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