that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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