we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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