Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
