are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
