my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
