well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
