you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
