It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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