i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
