I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just high enough for therapy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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