apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
