Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
