Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
