why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
