Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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