that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
