No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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