I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
