dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
