wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
now i know why i became what i already was.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
