I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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