This is not my ceiling
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
