This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
