Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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