Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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