from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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