I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
