I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
