I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
being pregnant is like rehab
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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