Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
