I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
