Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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