I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
