And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
