I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
