Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we're so committed to being not committed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
