I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
