pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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