She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I stole a fireplace last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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