i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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