I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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