i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Panties = found
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
