I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
being pregnant is like rehab
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
