Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
