Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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