You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
