I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
