when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
not ubering you a puppy
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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