Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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