please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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