Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
