How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
