i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
